When God Calls

Passion Conference 2022, Atlanta Georgia

1 Kings 18 & 19, Genesis 12:1

January 2022. I was more broken than I had ever been in my life. At the end of 2021, I had seen several significant relationships, either drastically change or end all together. I still hadn’t healed from some past hurts and recent events had caused old wounds to fester again. I questioned the past. I dreaded the future. I was lost. I was hurting. I was broken.

But the amazing thing about the God I serve is that, it doesn't matter where we are emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. He is still good. Always has been and always will be. He doesn’t need us to be put together in order to use us or call us. I mean look at Elijah. He ran in fear from Jezebel, despite just seeing God set water on fire.(1) Elijah’s fear did not stop God from providing, speaking, and giving him an assignment. In Elijah’s case, God knew Elijah needed his physical needs met, so God met them. (2) God also addressed his fear of being the only one left saying, “Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”(3) God let Elijah know that despite what circumstances looked like he was not alone. God sees us in our current circumstances and He sees us at the end of our journey. God knows everything that needs to change in us and around us in order for us to get there.

I certainly found this to be true. January 2 and 3, 2022 was my Mount Carmel moment. I had the privilege to attend that year's Passion Conference at the Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta Georgia. Despite a slight emotional numbing, I was stoked. The two days flew by and I enjoyed every second. However, the moment of biggest personal impact happened the evening of the 3rd. We heard a teaching on the 12 spies of Jericho. (4) The main message of the teaching challenged us to be like the 2 “good spies,” those who believed in God’s promises and stepped out in faith. After the teaching, we entered into a time of prayer that combined the topic of the teaching with the overall theme of the two days of “To the ends of the Earth.” During this time, I remember having a strong conviction that I would be going somewhere outside of the U.S.A. I remember praying, God wherever you call me I will say yes and I will step out in faith. When I prayed that prayer, I had no idea where God would call me to go. I just knew God would call me.

The mountain top high I felt after the conference was short-lived. As I mentioned earlier, I was an emotional wreck. In all my turmoil and pain, I too wanted to run like Elijah. I feared being hurt again. I feared the potential pain that any current or future relationship could cause. And so I did. I ran into myself. My mind became the cave I hid myself from the world. On the outside I seemed fine. I continued on with school and work. The scary thing about running into yourself, though, is that no one is there to help you fight your thoughts. As time continues on it’s easy to start believing things about yourself that you didn’t believe before. On the surface I seemed normal, but I was holding on by a thread.

Praise be to God that He sees us in those circumstances. When I wasn’t sure I would be able to continue moving forward, He provided for me. He healed me and delivered me. It wasn’t an instant thing. I didn’t wake up one more morning and everything was solved. Rather, it was a process. A combination of daily choosing God’s promises over my thoughts and maintaining consistent contact with other Christians, even when I didn’t want to. When that process ended, God restored to me a part of my personality that had been dormant since before I was seven years old. I became extremely social and outgoing, whereas before I struggled to even maintain a conversation with a person. It was like I ran out of that cave of my mind with no intention of going back.

During this whole process, from January - March, I also had been applying to a number of different endeavors. Graduation was fast approaching and I had no idea what I wanted to do after. I applied to internships, grad schools, jobs, and so much more both inside and outside of the country. Around the time that I rediscovered an opportunity to teach English in Spain. When I saw the application, something inside me jumped. I knew at that moment where God was calling me in the next season. Like Elijah, I didn’t hear God call me in any big way, but rather in a small, quiet voice. I had so much peace and joy with the decision. There were many, many unknowns and I still had a lot of fear about moving to another country. I also had the sense that God wanted me there.

Throughout the summer, my fear and anxiety was like a roller coaster. My two biggest fears were who I ended up rooming with and having Christian community. No matter how much I thought or planned, those two things were completely out of my control.

Where God calls us, He also provides. As I prayed about my upcoming move, the verse that God gave me was Genesis 12:1,“The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.” (5) Abram left his father’s home with only a promise, nothing more. God provided for him along the way. There were trials, temptations, and failures. Through the whole journey; however, God used each situation to build a deeper relationship with Abram. Till, Abraham trusted God so completely he was willing to sacrifice his son.

Since moving to Spain, God has provided abundantly more than I could ask. I moved into a beautifully modern apartment with an amazing roommate. Also my Christian community here has been one of the best parts of living in Spain. They love, encourage, and support me. Their perspectives challenge me. They also know how to have fun and enjoy life. However, God not only provided a great roommate and friends. The teachers I worked with at the high school were also incredible! Furthermore, God provided a place for me to serve the community. A place where I am challenged and have found unexpected friendships as well. Through the different situations I have faced while in Spain, God has used them to build up my relationship with Him. I trust Him more than I did before because of it. I don’t think I am as Abraham was when he took Isaac up the mountain, but I am one step closer.

When God calls, we have the opportunity to go on the adventure of a lifetime. We will receive healing, deliverance, unexpected blessing, and so much more. Will there still be trials and difficult situations? Of course, because God doesn’t promise us an easy life. However, He does promise to go with us every step of the way.(6) When God calls the decision to walk out in faith is all ours. We just have to be willing to say yes.

Endnotes

1. 1 Kings 18:16-19:18

2. 1 Kings 19:5-8

3. 1 Kings 19:18, NIV

4. Numbers 3

5. Genesis 12:1, NIV

6. Deuteronomy 31:6 Matthew 28:20, John 14:16-17, and many more examples